NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Randomize
