On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
