so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
