Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
