I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
