You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
