He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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