smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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