Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
