I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I just forgot I was standing up.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
