If i come over, it means nothing
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize