you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
