Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I need moral support for this bender
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize
