woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
