Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Randomize
