I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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