Capitaan dildo arrescate!
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
