So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
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