I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
