You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Randomize
