does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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