i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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