when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Still dying that you shit outside
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
