This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Randomize
