Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
