the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
he's single and there are thong briefs.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
