how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
