You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I showed him my bush... on skype.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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