my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
