I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
