Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Panties = found
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