you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Randomize