Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
