Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
