so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize