Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
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