He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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