i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
