No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
