I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Randomize
