my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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