I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
dude i'm inner monologue high
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
