i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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