Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
