Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
