...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
