yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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