Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
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