Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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