Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
My vagina just recognized that song.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Randomize
