You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Randomize
