you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
