I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
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