2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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