I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
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