Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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