GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
