I just pynch a tree in the face
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
