so explain again why im purple
no
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize