i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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