I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
