you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Randomize
