Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
it's like iHOP with fire
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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