I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
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