yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
