If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
