He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
im on a boat
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