So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
