i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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