My room smells like vodka and shame
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
