Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
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