i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
