and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
