we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
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