hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
