That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Actions speak louder than pants.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize