Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
