Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
