I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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