she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
