A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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