I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
