Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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