this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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