Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
