Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
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