Are we in a gay sports bar?
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
