I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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