I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
