Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
