I wanna passion pit in your ass
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
