so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Never let your siblings swipe right.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
