loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
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